The 2010 Winners of the Bulwer-Lytton Writing Contest are in, and as usual they are bad, bad like pieces of toast that have been left in the rain, if the cook had really meant to leave them in the rain in order to win some silly contest commemorating really bad cooking; bad in a way that is really bad, not bad like teeny-boppers, dumb jocks and other adolescent, pimple-besieged, media-besotted, inarticulate kids use the word nowadays...

2010 Winner:
For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

Molly Ringle
Seattle, WA

2010 Runner-Up:
Through the verdant plains of North Umbria walked Waylon Ogglethorpe and, as he walked, the clouds whispered his name, the birds of the air sang his praises, and the beasts of the fields from smallest to greatest said, "There goes the most noble among men" -- in other words, a typical stroll for a schizophrenic ventriloquist with delusions of grandeur.
Tom Wallace
Columbia, SC

Winner: Vile Puns:
It was a risky production unlike any mounted prior on the Met stage, the orchestra first imitating the perpetually beating heart of a man walled-in while in pursuit of wine , and then a soprano singing the plaintive aria of a barely alive woman stuffed up a chimney as her ancestral home was destroyed; however, it certainly was Opera Poe.
Amy Torchinsky
Greensboro NC

Runner-Up: Detective (but should have been 'Vile Puns')
As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, “Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead.
Dennis Pearce
Lexington, KY

To read all of the current winners, click here.

Previous winners may be viewed here.


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